The Story Of Us
by Red Lips-Crystal Skies
Summary: This is placed after City of Glass and is based as if Clary and Jace never got together. Clary is suffering with severe depression while thinking everyone she loves hates her. She blames herself for the damage done to the Lightwoods and Jace, the only person to notice Clary's downward spiral who sets out to do everything he can to show her how he truely feels about her.
1. Chapter 1

I could feel the guilt and depression start to suck me into the deep black hole since the end of the war, 6 months ago. I can't help the feeling of being a disappointment and a burden to everyone especially the Lightwoods. After all I did kill there youngest, Max, well I didn't physically kill him but I was the cause of it. If I had never become a shadow hunter then none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have met Isabelle, Alec, or Jace who obviously hate me with a blinding passion. The snide comments from Jace, the death glares from Alec, the silence of Isabelle. They all hate me!

I don't know what to do! I feel as though the walls are closing in on me, forcing me to go that extra distance and jump. Just that small little step and a dagger would be all it took. They would no longer have to deal with my presence, they wouldn't have to share their home with me, nothing. I wouldn't have to deal with the guilt any longer and I could just…disappear in the cracks. And besides it wouldn't be that big of a deal anyway since Shadow Hunters die all the time. Sure my mother would morn maybe even Luke but no one else. I have my doubts about Simon and I's friendship since I haven't heard a single thing from him in 7 months.

I sat in the center of the training room sharpening and cleaning my crossbows and arrows. It was 4 in the morning meaning nobody would be up, meaning nobody to run in to. I spent the majority of the hour beforehand perfecting my aim with a normal bow and arrow in the simulation room that had been put in three months ago. It was stunning, you put in duration of time and then a difficulty and a created a scenario of laser created 3D simulation. It worked perfectly to perfect my aim with all weapons I used. I loved it but it did nothing to change my on going depression.

Nothing would, even drawing had lost its appeal. I spent the days drawing dark color lacking scenes of murder and monsters that plagued my sleeping and waking mind. There was never an end to the nightmares. Sometimes I went days at a time without sleep. This is what my life has come to. After winning a war and starting a whole new wave of greatness for Shadow Hunters and Downworlders everywhere I get this.

The only good thing is that nobody has noticed my secret depression, they don't pay any attention to me as it is so it wouldn't really matter if they did. They avoided me at all costs, always going out on demon hunts without me, leaving rooms the moment I enter. It bothered me more then it should have and that's how I got into my current state. It made me realize the damage I had inflicted on the poor family, shed new light on the situation.

I stand to my feet clutching the handcrafted wooden bow engraved with runes of protection, strength, speed, and accuracy. My arrows had the same and had been crafted by the best bow maker in Idris, a gift from my mother. I slipped the holder over my shoulder and head so if fit snuggly against my back as I loaded more arrows into it before walking to the simulation room. I clicked advanced for thirty minutes before stepping inside. The glass door slide shut behind me as the lights dimmed and lasers appeared from the walls. In seconds I had red graphic depicted monsters rushing toward me hurling knives and claws at me.

I loaded my bow and shot quickly and smoothly as I ducked and rolled out of the way. They burst into tiny cubes when hit in the correct places. At one point I was surrounded by a dozen or so and had to load five arrows at a time to get them all. It was hard and gave me quite the workout but it was nothing I couldn't handle. After the last monster burst I took a breath and grabbed the forgotten arrows. I walked out sweating bullets, too tired to move. I shut the machine off and placed my bow in its case and slide it under the table in the weapons room.

Afterwards I hit the co-ed showers that connected to the training room. I stripped off my white shirt and green shorts as I walked in and turned the water on cold. I took the rest of my clothes off slowly and carefully, still sore from the exertion. I let the water wash over my aching muscles as I sighed at the pleasure it brought me. I don't know how long I just stood there before I actually washed my body and hair. Then I stood there some more just letting the water wash over my body. I shut the water off and wrapped a towel under my armpits and used a smaller one on my hair. I stood in the shower with the curtain still drawn across as I heard the sound of voices and footsteps.

"Why the fuck did you wake me up so god damn early?" comes the irritated voice of Jace Herondale.

"I wanted to talk to you guys before she woke up and came in here." Came Isabelle's voice.

"Why?" Alec asked irritably.

"Aren't you guys worried, she never speaks, hardly eats, and I can hear her screams at night from nightmares. I mean everyone handles things differently but even I've gotten over Max's death and the war." She says with a sigh.

"Your joking right? Have any of you noticed the way you act toward her. Alec glares and you full on pretend she doesn't exist. No wonder she feels the need to hate herself so much." Jace says suddenly less irritated and more annoyed.

"That isn't true! I always try to talk to her but she steer clears of everyone in the institute! I even heard her mother and mom talking about it. They're worried about her! She waits tell we have left the training room to train, she never comes out of her room, she's grown abnormally quiet, and when she eats it's the tiniest amounts then she doesn't come for dinner." Isabelle says as if trying to prove a humoring point

I feel my heart beat quicken as I realize they have noticed. Will they kick me out? And how does my mother know? I never see her! They don't care about me! Its all an act probably made to set me up.

"I can't believe you can even smile while you say that! I'm not saying it's just you two because I'm not exactly the nicest either but you both are defiantly the ones that started it. And Alec stop with the glares when you think nobody's looking, I notice and so does she. Hell, no wonder she never leaves her room. She's to scared of getting killed by you guys." Jace snaps.

I can almost feel real emotion in his voice, no coldness or any other hint of distrust. He truly feels this way and he truly cares about me. I don't know if I should be jumping for joy or crying because he's noticed. I'm so confused right now that I don't even know what to do! He's sticking up for me, something no ones ever done.

"Do you not know what she did? She started an all out war and killed Max!" Alec bellows at him.

"Max's death was not her fault so don't even think that and she started a revolution! She brought Idris out of the dark ages and let your own boyfriend live freely in Alicante! She changed the entire world and we are all assholes to her!" Jace snaps harsher and louder then before.

"What the hell even happened to you? Its like you're a different person! And don't you dare bring_ him_ into this! you know we aren't together anymore!" Alec says before his footsteps leave the bathroom.

"Your right. Ill talk to him." Isabelle said before there was a sigh and the sound of heels clicking against the tile floor.

I wait for a long time before I slip out of the shower with tears running down my face and a sob threatening to erupt from my throat. I guess i was right about them not liking me. I walk to the mirror and gently wipe away the steam from it and nearly scream, jumping out of my skin when I see not only my reflection but someone else as well.


	2. Chapter 2

"Jace! Uh…what the hell are you doing in here?" I gasp as my heart races in my chest. He nearly scared me half to death!

He stares at me with wide shock filled eyes much like mine with his jaw hanging open. His liquid gold eyes show how absolutely surprised and no doubt shocked that I was in here. His mouth opens and closes wordlessly as if he's gone mute. I on the other hand feel utterly flushed and mortified that he's seeing me like this in only a towel with bright red slotchy cheeks and glassy red-rimmed eyes. I quickly wipe my face of tears as I put on a mask to guard my expressions.

"How long have you been in the shower?" He asks nervously. "Long enough." Is all I say.

"Oh, so you heard that earlier didn't you?" He says scratching the back of his neck. He still looks at me in utter shock but now he looks flat out embarrassed, something I've never seen with Jace before. I don't answer but merely shrug my shoulders, as I don't trust my voice at the moment. He takes this as a yes.

"You know I'm not looking to hurt you or anything right? I've noticed the way you act over the last couple months and then Isabelle called that stupid meeting which did nothing to Alec who's really just has a stick up his ass because of him and Magnus's fight. I just wanted them to know what you did for everyone here at this institute and for Idris as well. You changed everything, in a good way of course. And I'm not saying its all them because I'm to blame too. I treat you like shit just as much as they do." He says looking down at his feet and then back to my face. I'm taken aback by the way he speaks, with such softness that I want to believe him. I really do.

"Why, why now?" I question in a weak quiet voice.

"Clary, I know how you think. Like it or not we aren't that much different. You have your own war going on in your head and it's all just this big swirling pit of guilt. Its in your eyes, your clearly in pain. You don't sleep, you don't eat, and you avoid everyone like the plague and Isabelle's right. I also heard Mayrse talking on the phone to your mother; she's worried about you. Isabelle may not seem like she cares but she does, she just shows it differently then we do." Jace says taking small slow steps toward me. I look down at my feet, avoiding all eye contact with him.

This is too much to take in all at once, Jace actually cares and so does Isabelle? I know Alec hates me because well…I don't entirely know why but he does. It also horrifies me to no end. They are going to be watching me like a hawk especially Jace now, I could tell by the way he talked. They are going to be no doubt paying attention to me now and maybe its real maybe it isn't, I'll never know. Looking down Jace's black shoes come into view as he stops not more than an inch from me. His long fingers curl under my chin forcefully making me meet his impending gaze.

That's all it takes for the floodgates to break open and be released. I sob into his chest as his arms wrap around me and encase me in warmth. He strokes my hair and whispers sweet nothings into my ear as I cry. This only makes me sob harder at the sound of his voice, soft and kind with the hint of concern. _I don't deserve this! Why is he doing this?_ My brain screams at me as I cry into him.

"It's going to be okay, I promise." He whispers softly near my ear.

My sobs have subsided into small hiccups when I finally pull away only to have Jace cup my face. He looks me straight in the eye as he gently wipes away any stray tears, using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe my nose. I take deep shuttering breaths as I try to calm myself down so that I can at least mutter a thank you or something.

"All better?" He asks

"Thanks." I whisper

"Don't thank me, you deserve more-" "No I don't! I don't deserve it; I don't deserve someone like you to care. I deserve nothing and you know it!" I snap as my anger flares up directed at him.

"Stop thinking like that Clary! No one is blaming you for what happened; only you do! I'm not lying when I say this but nothing was your fault! If it wasn't for you Valentine would have taken over Idris and we all would have died! You know how much Mayrse looks up to you, she's thankful to have someone as brave as you in this Institute! You know how amazing of a Shadow Hunter you've become in this last year?" He says raising an eyebrow as he stares at me incredulously.

I take a deep breath not entirely believing him but not brushing off his little speech either. He still holds my face in his hands as he stares at me. When I don't snap at him again he smiles and pulls me into another hug. I stand stiff in his arms for a moment before I give in and wrap my arms around him in return. I pull away first and take a step back reaching for my clothes that I brought for after my shower. Nothing fancy but a pair of grey and red striped sweater, skinny jeans, and undergarments. I excuse myself and go into the changing room and slip on the clothes quickly and walk out shaking my hair dry. Jace still stands in the same spot I left him in staring at me as I walk out.

"Oh and tonight we are all going hunting, wanna go? Isabelle said she'd dress you up again if you came by her room at 7." He suggests with a grin on his face.

"I don't know." Is all I say, still unsure why they are suddenly showing me kindness.

"But you'll think about it right?" He persists.

"Of course."

* * *

><p>When 7 rolled around I found myself walking nervously to the large oak doors wondering why the hell I was doing this! What if the others didn't actually want me to come? I know now that Jace wasn't kidding when he said he wanted me to go; he's come by my room at least three times asking if I've made up my mind yet, each time he got a no and a door slammed in his face. It got annoying but then again, I liked the attention for some strange reason. It showed me he truly cared and he really was trying to be a good friend. And there's that word, <em>friend<em>. When I asked why he was doing this after the second time of barging into my room he simply said that's what friends are for. I don't know why it bothered me so badly but it did. I spent the next four hours simply wondering why it cut so deep in me. I guess you could say I had the slightest crush on Jace after everything that happened between us. But who wouldn't, the guy was sex on legs! Every girl wanted him and I didn't want to be just another girl to him so I never acted like I cared when he would say his flirty remarks. When on the inside I was screaming and going insane.

I shook all thoughts of the golden boy away and knocked three times on Isabelle's door. It swung open before I could even finish knocking and yanked me inside. She shoved me into the bathroom with a razor, shaving cream, body wash, lotion, and shampoo and conditioner. To say I was shocked was an understatement but I did what she said quickly. When I walked out I wrapped one of her fancy towels around me and walked out to find her throwing countless outfit out of her closet. I guess she found what she was looking for when she gave a whoop and clapped her hands.

"I've got the perfect dress for you Clary!" She said holding up a black dress.

It looked simple enough with long sleeves and a deep v on it and not overly short or revealing. She set it on the vanity before shoving me into a chair and starting to work on my make up. I kept quiet with my eyes shut as she applied different creams, eyeliners, mascara, eye shadow, and lipstick. She talked and talked about how the demon activity was small and so we'd have time to party and have fun. When she finished she still didn't let me look as she went to work on my hair, combing, straightening, before handing me the dress and telling me to change. I did and came out to look in the mirror and gasped. The girl standing in front of me was not I in any way. This girl had long slender yet muscular legs with a toned body and eyes that popped like true emeralds. Her red hair was perfectly waved to go with the whole after party look and her make up made her look stunning. I touched my face and watched the mirrored image do the same and that's when it sunk in that that girl was in fact me.

"I thought since it being your first night out that you could bait, how does that sound?" she asked holding up a pair of black flats. I grabbed them from her and slipped them on, grateful for the nonexistent heels.

"I don't mind being bait." I said with a shrug.

Isabelle flashes me a smile before grabbing her own white dress and walking into the bathroom. When she came out I could have sworn it felt as if I was watching project runway live. She looked like a goddess! Her dress was short but didn't appeal to a slut and was a glittering white that made her skin sparkle as well. And for her shoes she choose sky-high stilettoes that were sparkly silver and paired perfect with the dress.

"Lets go meet the boys." She says handing me a matching black clutch and walking out of her room.

"Wait! Izzy!" I say before she's fully out of the room. She stops quickly and spins around sending her black hair in a wide circle around her head.

"I just wanna say thanks. I-I...well...I was in the bathroom when you guys had your little meeting this morning and Jace talked to me...and I..." I stumble blindly over my words not exactly knowing what to say when I was practically eavesdropping on their conversation. She stares at me with an open mouthed expression I can't decipher and for a second I think she's actually mad.

"Then you should know that what i said is true. I really am worried about you Clary, I'm afraid you'll do something drastic out of anger and it would be my fault. I want you to know I don't blame you for anything! I swear on the Angel I don't. What happened to Max wasn't anyones fault but mine, I was their while you were saving everyone's ass's. I'll admit at first I was angry with you but that was before I realized what you did for everyone and how this would have happened with or without you. I guess you could say we are all to blame for Max's death in some way or another and I...just...how do I say this?" She walks toward me as she speaks and grabs my hand, leading me to the bed. We sit down side by side as Isabelle takes deep breaths before speaking again.

"The way I acted toward you was unacceptable, I ignored you, I avoided you, I gave you rude gestures behind your back. That was childish of me and I don't know how I'll ever make it up to you but I will, I promise. It's just I got so jealous of the attention all those people gave you and I took it out on you instead of having an adult conversation. Was stupid and angry all at the same time which you know as well as I do, that's a horrible combination. Your my only friend beside for Magnus but your my best friend and you always had my back and this is how I repay you? Being a total asshole to you? Your an amazing Shadow Hunter and an amazing person all in one year you've gotten so far, hell your better then me and Alec combined! I got jealous because I missed being the only badass girl in the Institute. Soo...I'm sorry." She doesn't look at me as she talks but i can hear her voice becoming thicker and her sniffles. Almost by reflex I wrap my arms around her in a tight embrace feeling tears well up in my own eyes. It's a relief to know she was only ever jealous of me and never truly blamed me for what happened but I don't know why she'd be jealous of me of all people. She wraps her own arms around me in a very tight embrace as she cries into my neck muttering about how sorry she is.

"I forgive you Izzy. It's okay!" I say with a soft smile as I pull away from the hug.

She stares at me with her big chocolate eyes.

"You do?" she asks

"Well...Not completely but your just as much as my best friend as I am yours and I don't know what I'd do without you. I think with time we can be just like how we use to be and we can act like this whole thing never happened!" I tell her truthfully. I'm not going to lie to her about this because that would be wrong and i feel she deserves to be put in my shoes and see how she likes it but that would just be fighting fire with fire, something my mother didn't raise me to do. i believe that in a month we will be just like how we were, two girls who gossiped about hot guys, movies, and clothes over a bowl of junk food and The Notebook.

"Oh thank you so much! You don't know how much that means to me! For now on I'll always be there for you no matter what!" she says grinning at me.

"Good, now lets get you cleaned up and show those demons who's in charge around here!" i say standing up and holding my arm out for her. she beams again and grabs it pulling herself to her feet. In all honesty her make up looks fine which makes me wonder who she manages that! If it were me I'd be a raccooned face mess! She dabs a bit more concealer and wipes away and tears before pulling me along into the hallway.

Together we walk to the front doors where the two boys stand impatiently waiting, both dressed rather dashingly for the club. Alec opting for a simple black shirt, open grey blazer and jeans while Jace wore a pair of form fitting pair of jeans and a button down white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. He looked hot, I thought to myself before I could stop. When they both noticed Isabelle and I they straightened and smiled at us, well Jace did. Alec glared at me as his eyes skimmed over me from head to toe. I felt uncomfortable enough and it didn't help when he glared at me like that.

"You clean up well Fray." Jace said from behind me. I turned around just in time to see his eyes look down then quickly to my face.

"Thanks." I mumble looking down as I cross my arms over my chest and turn back to the others to hide my blush.

"She looks like a little kid in their mothers heels to be honest, he's just saying that to get you in bed." Alec snaps bitterly.

Well that's a confidence booster; I noticeably slouch slightly by his words and simply shrug my shoulders hoping I won't look to effected by it. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I hear Isabelle sigh as she moves to open the door so we can all leave.

"Shut up Alec, get over you jealousy and move on." Jace speaks up from behind me again.

Alec stares at him for a moment and in that moment I see that same looking his eyes that I saw when I first met him, love and lust. It disappeared during his time with Magnus and now it's back. I don't know if Jace quite realizes how much Alec's in love with him and thats what causes him to snap like that. So I give him a sweet smile snd stand up a little straighter before walking out the door behind Isabelle. He needs to know that his glare and rude remarks don't effect me like they did before.


End file.
